THERAPY?

WHEN THE BELLS RING AND YOU'RE JUST THERE AS A BYSTANDER, IT'S A YUDIPUTA

"Ikaw lamang ang aking iibigin.. Magpakailanman" Lovely, yes. But not on my killjoy ears. There's a beautiful bridal exhibit on the mall this week. But some of you may want to avoid passing by that section of the mall where there is this immense energy of valentine pretty mush. It's rather uneasy to have reached that age in your life when the norms of society and local culture say that you are supposed to get married already. If teenagers or those who are underage experience a kind of prejudice when they get married early in their age, there is also that same version when you're at your late twenties, unwed and unattached. It's very subtle but it's there. That slight frown in their faces which asks questions in their minds, like "Why? Are you psycho?" Must one really have a reason behind why they're not married yet? At least gay people have an excuse for being single. Perhaps the snappiest reply to answer that question is "My salary cannot even afford to pay for the needs of just myself (pirated DVDs, and all), how much more for a family?"

It's such a bummer to feel like the single odd dork in some barkada reunion, still in college mood, only to find out that everybody came in the party with their families. Your used-to-be-so-stoned pal is now dressed in decent polos grinning happily with his junior sitting on his lap. You realize that in the barkada, you really were the perpetual alalay. The Dennis Padilla to Robin and Vina. The Chewbacca to Solo and Leia. The Gollum to Frodo and Sam.

If there was a Shaolin Temple in Iloilo, it would've been a great idea to sign up for it. At least, if anybody asks why you're not married, you'd have a cool answer. "Coz I'm a Shaolin Master now" You would be a superstar in your high school reunion. Which reminds me of the reason why I never go to school reunions. It is because there seems to be only two kinds of people who go there: Numero uno, the ones who brag about their achievements in their profession (with a matching brag about what cars they drive now, or the name-dropping of socialites who is in their barkada list); and numero dos, the ones who talk about their kids' performance in school. It's cute actually. But not so cute when you know that his dad still goes out on "wild" parties and drinks a lot. It's worse when it's the mom.

I know of a young couple that has time and again been having problems with their family life, with how often they quarrel with each other. And the problem isn't even complicated enough for a simpleton to solve. The root of their problem actually is that they both never seem to shake off that habit of partying a lot. Getting married is supposed to be that phase when one evolves into somebody with a higher sense of responsibility and maturity. I'm not saying that married people have no right to go to parties anymore. It's just that partying should become that mere manner of leisure rather than a way of life, as what most single people treat it to be. If you're a mother or a father now, you should be aware of what is more important in you life now.

I could remember that scene from Kill Bill vol. 2, when, the character of Uma Thurman named Kiddo, who used to be a cold-blooded assassin revealed that the reason why she ended her spree as a hired killer was that she was going to be a mother. All that violence has to end the day she became a mom. (Is it odd enough an analogy?) All I'm saying is that many married people screw up their own lives because they cant seem to stop being immature. You're married now. Quit your urge and your delusions about being a James Bond swinger (or if you're a girl, Carrie Bradshaw complex). It's quite rare to find married celebrities who lived normal happy family lives. Why? Because they let themselves be continuously immersed in the world of parties, discos, clubbing, getting drunk, and getting laid. In a manner of contrast, we find that those who have happier family lives belong to the poorer families, or those living in the rural areas.

In the long run, the simplest reason behind getting married should be for love. But what is love? You and I know that there are many definitions of love. There is a difference in how I love my Lolo and how I love Pamela Barranda. There is difference in how my love for my PC is and my love for my dog. We all know what we mean when we try to define the all-caps word: LOVE. This is for the record… (I hope I get quoted someday, that is, if nobody defined it this way yet…) My definition of Love? LOVE is deciding NOT to LOVE somebody else anymore. It is surrendering yourself to this one person, and as if you have plucked your eyes out afterwards, making that one person be the LAST beautiful thing you will ever see.

With that thought lingering in my mind while I walk past the gallery of stunning bridal gown designs, that song from Radiohead "Nice Dream" begins to play in my mind, and I realize that the sorry state of being single and unattached at this age may be a better state as compared to that alternate reality of being wed to the wrong person. Haven't you ever had an ex-GF or ex-BF that proved to be just a BIG MISTAKE in your life? Perhaps they were all a mistake..? This entire may be a topic being reflected by a mind drunk with boredom and jaded beyond reason. Whatever it is, I hope it was candy for you, sour as it may taste. I hope it was therapy for me as much as it was therapy for you.